End Game
END GAME–Part 1 of four
By Sankirtana das
March 25, 2012
Old age is difficult for the elderly. It’s also difficult for those caring for the elderly. My wife’s mother Ruth passed away last week. Even though it was sad for her to go, I must admit that we were relieved.
Ruth was 95. Over the last three years she became enveloped in dementia. She couldn’t remember if she had just gone for a drive; or who just visited with her; or what she had at the dinner she just enjoyed. She couldn’t talk about the details in any part of her life. Fortunately, she still knew who we were. She also remembered her other kids who called regularly. And she remembered somewhat how to play at a card game she enjoyed.
When my wife’s mother and father (Al) came to live with us eight years ago, we got into the habit of playing cards with them once a week. For the most part, they won. Ruth took her card playing very seriously. She was determined and competitive. You could learn a lot about life by watching her play. Sometimes you might get dealt a lousy hand. Sometimes you might get a hand with a couple of wild cards. The thing was, whatever type of hand she would get, you could see her strategizing; trying to see her options and making the best use of that hand. Even in her dementia, she never lost her competitive edge. She was a fighter. Over the years we played cards less and less. The last game we played together was about a year ago. And I must admit, it was humbling losing to a 94 old with dementia.
**
My wife’s mother and father, Ruth and Al, started visiting New Vrindaban shortly after we moved here in 1976. (Ruci and I had heard that whatever you undertake on Gaura Purnima would meet with success. And so after three years at the Chicago temple, we came here on the eve of Lord Caitanya’s appearance.) Of course, Ruth and Al didn’t really understand the choice we had made in accepting Krishna Consciousness, but they were open and accepting.
In those days the only half decent place at New Vrindaban was a couple of rooms in a trailer near the temple which was kept by Mother Vedapriya for herself and any stray guests who might show up.. The devotees themselves lived very austerely. The only toilet by the temple was an outhouse which was used year round. The bathing facility was small and the floor in the adjacent dressing room was always wet. To avoid getting your socks wet was a balancing act. Devotees would balance on one foot, put on a sock on the other foot and then quickly slip that foot into a boot. Ruth and Al later told us they avoided both going to the toilet or bathing on the premises during those early years visiting with us.
A few years after their first visit Ruth and Al retired and moved to Florida. They then started visiting twice a year. The conditions for visitors mercifully improved. In the late spring they would drive up from Florida, stay here for several days and then head for New Jersey, sojourning with their son and then their older daughter. Then they continued north to Maine and through Nova Scotia. Their destination was Prince Edward Island where they vacationed for the summer in a modest cottage. At the end of the summer they retraced their drive, returning to Florida. Their round trip excursion was over 4000 miles. Al drove that route until he was 90.
By then Ruci and I had purchased a house near Prabhupada’s Palace. Actually, Prabhupada stayed in this house and gave darshan on the front lawn during his fourth and last visit to New Vrindaban in June of 1976. Ruth and Al, 87 and 90 respectively, were just beginning to get concerned about their old age. They knew they couldn’t go on by themselves indefinitely and asked if they could come and live with us. They had been so supportive and accepting of us all those years. They were always happy to see the devotees and also enjoyed conversing with them as well as with the visitors who came to the community. We suspected that it might eventually become a burden for us but we couldn’t say no.
Posted by Sankirtana Das (ACBSP) at 6:13 PM
**
Almost three weeks before she passed away, Ruth lost the use of her left leg. She had come down to dinner one evening and her leg just wouldn’t work. We called for an ambulance and she went into the hospital that night. They couldn’t do much for her there. Tests showed up nothing. Her doctor suspected a stroke and looking at her over all condition (progressing breast cancer, a seeming lack of will to go on, and lack of appetite), he surmised that she had less than six months, and maybe sooner.
A couple of days later she was transferred to the Mount View Nursing Home in Moundsville for physical rehab to see if she would be able to stand on both legs. She made no progress. After a week we were making arrangements for her to come home. We had heard the usual horror stories about nursing homes and thought it would be better for her at home. On one hand she slept long hours. On the other hand, we were told she needed care 24/7. Assessing the situation, we realized it would be overwhelming for us to have her at home. We saw her condition was deteriorating. The doctor ordered hospice care to visit her at the nursing home. And the staff we met at Mount View dispelled our stereotypes. They were kind and competent and attentive. They made every endeavor to satisfy our concerns.
On the last evening Ruth was fully conscious, Ruci sat at her bedside. Somehow her mother’s age came up. When her mother asked, Ruci told her that she was 95. Ruth was surprised to hear that she was so old.
Ruci told her, “You’re not really that old. That’s the age of your body. But you feel youthful, don’t you?”
Her mother understood the distinction. She said yes, she felt young and different than her body.
“That’s because you are not this body. You are the soul,” Ruci continued, “and you, the soul, are eternally youthful.”
At this point Ruth’s eyes lit up. She was totally present and attentive to her daughter’s every word.
Ruci continued. “Krishna is in your heart. He is your dear most friend and He is always with you.” And they recited the Hare Krishna prayer together.
Posted by Sankirtana Das (ACBSP) at 1:17 PM
**
For several days Ruth drifted in and out of consciousness. Even when she was conscious, she was muddled and incoherent. On that last day, the Hospice nurse called us. Her name was Kelly. She was friendly and very helpful. She had met Al a couple of times during the last few days.
None of us had gone in that day. Kelly said Ruth was doing poorly and we had to come down right away. She couldn’t find her pulse, and Ruth’s breathing was short and quick.
Ruci, her father and I rushed to the home. From the moment we arrived either Ruci or myself were at her mother’s side chanting softly. Looking at Ruth’s condition, Kelly said that she was coming toward the end. She thought Ruth might last for three days, a week at the most. She phoned her office to order 24 hour bedside watch. The nursing home doesn’t have the staff to provide that kind of attention.
Kelly mentioned that a person’s hearing is the last thing that goes. She said that even though Ruth was unconscious we could still talk with her. We thanked her although we were aware of this. She left at around 7PM. She hugged us all and told us she’d be back in the morning. The staff spontaneously brought in a tray of coffee, teas, and snacks. Everybody knew we were vegetarian.
At one point when Ruci chanted to her mother, we all noticed that Ruth stirred. It seemed she wanted to chant with her daughter again as she had done a few days earlier. But she was trapped in a body that would not cooperate. We saw how utterly helpless she was. Ruci tearfully gave her mother permission to leave her body. Ruci said her sister and brother would be there in two days. She invited her mother to hang on, but assured her that if it was too uncomfortable to remain in her body that they would all be OK, and it was all right for her to go. She reminded her mother that Krishna was always with her.
We were all getting tired and decided to leave. Ruci suggested to her father that he say his goodbye to Ruth. Al was tired and thought he would talk to his wife in the morning. Ruci however insisted, and we left the room while Al said his goodbye. Outside, Ruci obsessed about whether to stay or come home. I explained that this could drag on for days or even a week, and that even if she stayed for the night she might fall asleep anyways. In any event, she needed to rest. She reluctantly came back with us.
Several hours later, shortly after midnight, we got a call from the nursing home. Her mother had died. The woman at the nursing home had seen many deaths there. At the moment of death people were usually troubled and confused. Ruth died peacefully in her sleep.
Earlier that evening I had spoken to the woman who had brought in the tray of snacks. She told me that in the short time Ruth was at the home she had touched all the staff; everyone liked both Ruth and Al. She said Ruth had a contagious smile. She said, for her, when Ruth smiled, “it was like the lights at the top of the Chrysler Building going on.” “You from New York?” I asked, surprised by her analogy. “No. From the West Coast,” she said. “We’re from the New York area,” I said. “Funny,” she mused, “that we all wound up in Moundsville, West Virginia.”
Posted by Sankirtana Das (ACBSP) at 4:54 PM
If you would like to visit my blog, the address is – www.nytsanga.blogspot.com
RAMA NAVAMI SCHEDULE MARCH 31-APRIL 1
ISKCON NEW VRINDABAN
Ramnavami weekend – March 31-April 1, 2012
Please join us for Rama Navami weekend.
Friday March 30th
7:00pm Gaura Arati
7:30pm Bhagavad-Gita Class by HG GaurNatraj Prabhu
8:30pm Shayan Arati
Saturday March 31st
5.00am Mangala Artika
5:45am Japa session
7:30am Sringar Darshan
7:40am Guru Puja
8:00am Srimad-Bhagavatam Class by HH Varsana Swami.
9:00am Breakfast
12:30pm Arati
1:00pm Bhagavad-Gita lec. by HG Premabhakti Prabhu
1:30pm Lunch Prasadam
5:00 pm Bhajans
5:30pm Abhishek of Sri Sri Sita Ram.
6:15pm RamKatha by HG Sankirtan Prabhu.
7:00pm Gaura Arati
7:45pm Ramnavami feast.
8:30pm Shayan Arati
Sunday April 1st
5.00am Mangala Artika
5:45am Japa session
7:30am Sringar Darshan
7:40am Guru Puja
8:00am Srimad-Bhagavatam HG Yugal Kishore Pr.
9:00am Breakfast
1:00pm Arati
1:30pm Sunday Feast Lecture – Shankaranand Das.
Cheesecake and Hare Krishna Diet
by Gaura Natarja das
Ever since we were allowed to take prasadam into the Moundsville prison I have been regularly saving cheesecake and taking it to the prisoners. We have a fixed set of 6 devotees chanting 16 rounds and a floating attendance of 3-5 devotees attending the prison program. The cheesecake has become an essential part of the Friday programs so much so that when I say the word cheesecake, all the devotees give me a big “cheese” smile.
The best part of the program is the warden and Chaplain being very favorable are sitting through the programs and taking notes. For example the warden came to me last week and tells me “Hey Gaur , I have been noting down the important points of your lectures and tell me if I noted this down right,” He took out a small notebook from his back pocket, flipped through a few pages then began reading out “A for Association, B for books , C for Chanting Hare Krishna and D for diet, Is that right?” I was simply stunned. I said “Wow, that’s awesome. Thank you for taking so much interest”
I am also trying to help the Hare Krishna devotees get the right diet in the prison.
The devotees get special fruit on Ekadasi and a special vegetarian diet. There was little confusion initially with the prasadam as the cheese they used in the prison was mixed with egg. Our devotees in the prison had a lot of discussions with the officials. The problem was that the diet was being supplied by an outside company and they had no idea of the Intricacies of Hare Krishna diet and they were given a fixed set of diet guidelines like meat, Vegetarian (with onion garlic etc), low fat diet (both veg and non-veg). So they were having difficulty getting the special mix for the devotees.
Finally after a lot of negotiations the devotees had their way. Since the Chaplain and warden were attentively hearing the classes they understood the seriousness of the diet and implemented a new diet for the devotees called “HARE KRISHNA DIET” this is all vegetarian without onion, garlic or egg, only for the devotees.
So united we can achieve anything, the devotees in the prison have proved it, a special mercy of their Lordships Sri Sri Radha VrindabanChandra.
New Sign In New Vrindaban
As a State Road runs right through New Vrindaban anyone who wants to can drive near the temple and lodge. Sometimes young men, agitated by frustrated hormonal urges, feel a need to vandalize, just as young men everywhere have been doing for thousands of years. Occasionally New Vrindaban bears the brunt of this.
While there is a night watchman, there has also been a video surveillance system put in for problem areas. Here is the sign that has been installed so potential hooligans know it is there.
Devotees Do Care
Devotees Do Care
Devotees do care……..and sometimes feelings get hurt.
There have been many devotees through the years who have really been there to help other devotees in need in the New Vrindavan community. Devotees, old and new, continue to do this kind of much-needed service. There has also formally been a committee set up on the Master Vision Planning Team to address devotee care and relations on many levels.
On one level, devotee care includes the aspect of physical support, such as rides to town, someone to provide the toothpaste and shampoo that someone else needs but can’t get, chapatis for someone who has a hard time cooking for themselves, and the list goes on. On another level, there is the issue of different possible ways available to address the underlying causes when someone’s feelings get hurt. The Devotee Care Team is seeking to address all of the above and appreciates everyone who is part of this kind of service, both those behind the scenes anonymously, and those working on the team.
Sukavaha has agreed to be available on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 9:30 AM to 4:30 PM in the temple library in order to coordinate efforts regarding devotee care. She is a certified “life coach” and a mediator. Her interest is to do what she can to help create connection and understanding where there has been upset, hurt and fear. When devotees feel understood, heard, appreciated and supported the atmosphere of compassionate care can permeate New Vrindavan.
Open House a Grand Success!
tra
The turnout was great at the March 13 Land Stewardship Open House meeting in NV. The purpose of the meeting was to hold discussions between the NV community and the WVU Collaborative Conservation graduate class to develop the land stewardship plan.
First, Professors Jenny and Steve Selin and the students from WVU made their introductory presentations. After this, everyone broke out into two groups for further discussion. One group discussed forestry and wildlife, while the other group discussed parikrama paths, or interpretive trails.
In the trails group, they dealt with many topics. The devotees were excited to see that the students had brought aerial maps of the entire New Vrindavan area. During the group discussion, they drew perspective trails on one of the maps. Many ideas were generated about what types of trails there could be and where they could be located. They discussed the concept of a theme for each trail, along the lines of the current, yet incomplete, Bhagavad Gita trail. They touched on the need for a maintenance team for the trails as well as possible types of products to use, such as wood chips, packed limestone or ashphalt. They mentioned the need to keep vandalism at bay and how to keep motorized vehicles off the trails. There could be long distance trails and also shorter, easier ones.
At the next meeting, scheduled for April 10, they plan to actually begin walking around on some of these trails.
The wildlife group discussed how attractive a deer viewing section would be to tourists and visitors. Since we have so many deer roaming New Vrindavan, it came out that we are already a type of deer sanctuary, which is great for tourists. But we could build on this by putting up a visible board at the Palace inviting people to come back up there at dusk, after a day of visiting the Palace and the temple and grounds. The board could tell a bit about the history of the deer and wildlife in the area. The deer like to come out especially at dusk, and they come up to the Palace grassy area to drink so people could view them there at that time.
One of the younger members of the community who participated in the group discussions remarked: “What struck me the most was how the WVU students listened to us and were very open-minded. It was a lot of fun!”
Please add your voice and feet and hands to our collective effort! We will host a project field day on Tuesday afternoon, April 10th,(time to be announced) so please come contribute! Please contact Lilasuka dasi at lilasooka@gmail.com for details.
Attention Vendors: Festival of Inspiration
You are invited to participate as a Vendor at Festival of Inspiration on May 11, 12 & 13th (set up allowed on the 10th) New Vrindaban, WV, USA.
We welcome Prasad vendors, informational booths, publications (ISKCON related – non-rtvik), devotional paraphernalia and clothing, arts and crafts, children’s items, educational material, etc.
Vending will be outdoors.
You can bring your own pop-up or secure a space under our tent.
Vendor fees are assessed according to what you are want to sell but they are very reasonable.
Information only booths are without charge (unless you need tables, chairs, lights, & electric).
There will be several hundred attendees of all ages.
Please contact Govinda Mohini dd for futher details or to sign up:
304-845-9591 or servingkrishna@aol.com
Bamboo is Ready; Berry and Tree Shipping Times
I told devotees they could start transplanting the bamboo in April but due to the unseasonably warm weather, it is now April climatically. So it would be a good time to be digging the bamboo NOW. This would be good for me also as after the 2nd of April shipments of trees and berries will start to arrive.
The raspberries (except Heritage), blackberries and currants will ship 4/2/12 and the rest of the berries and chestnut trees will ship the 9th. Those are both Mondays, so maybe Wed/Thurs (?) of those weeks we will receive them. Please be prepared to plant them timely.
I spaced out and ordered the trees too late and the Carpathian Walnuts were sold out, so ordered Chinese Chestnuts instead. They are by a bundle of 50 so I still have some extra available for anyone wanting any as we don’t have room but for 30 of them.
Hare Krishna
Madhava Gosh
Gaura Purnima Day Mercy
Any activity that you begin on Gaura Purnima day becomes very auspicious. There is a special, true story in this regard. On the afternoon of Gaura Purnima, on March 8, a few of us were chanting bhajans in the temple room for the pleasure of their Lordships Sri Sri Gaura Nitai. As we were doing so, a large group of about twenty-five students came in and Gauranatraj das began to give them a tour of the temple room.
He began his tour in front of Srila Prabhupada and then they visited each altar, as Gauranatraj offered explanations and answered their questions. Meanwhile, our bhajan group sang on. When the student group arrived at the front altar, Gaura politely interrupted our bhajans and asked me to speak a bit about the significance of chanting Hare Krsna.
After I spoke for a few minutes, Gaura declared, “OK, now we’re all going to chant and dance!!”
I thought to myself, “This subdued-looking crowd doesn’t look like they want to start dancing right here and now in some strange Hare Krsna temple. What is Gaura thinking?!”
Gaura threw his arms up into the air and commanded, in a very friendly tone with a big smile on his face, “OK. Everyone do this!” Fifty arms shot up into the air. Then Gaura demonstrated the “Swami Step”, “Now just move your feet like this from side to side in the “Swami Step.” Twenty-five sets of feet imitated him, making the long line of students look like a wheat field swaying in the wind. Gaura shouted, “Lilasuka, Sundari, start a kirtan!”
We started a kirtan and that group of students threw themselves into dancing and chanting Hare Krsna with total enthusiasm and joy for twenty minutes non-stop. We became quickly convinced that each and every one of them had just taken a huge step forward in their spiritual lives.
All glories to Lord Caitanya and His liberating chanting movement!
Welcome to Brijabasi Spirit
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Hare Krishna Hare KrishnaKrishna Krishna Hare Hare
Hare Rama Hare Rama
Rama Rama Hare Hare
"May cows stay in front of me; may cows stay behind me; may cows stay on both sides of me. May I always reside in the midst of cows."
Hari Bhakti-vilas 16.252
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